Bullies aren’t just students who harass other students in school buildings. Adults can be bullies too. And they wreak just as much havoc in their families, intimate relationships and professional settings as children do.
That’s why we define a bully as one who uses perceived strength or influence to harm or intimidate someone typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
So according to this definition, a bully has no age restrictions and is most dangerous when they has access to AND insensitively uses vulnerable information about you.
Society will have us believe bullies are stronger and more powerful than his/her victim which is why it’s more difficult for this “weaker” victim to fight back. But this is not a valid description. Instead, we believe a bully is limited to wielding personal, not powerful words to invoke insecurity in his/her victim.
Bullies don’t have power over their “victims.” A bully only has access to their “victims.”
Think about it, bullies are people we know. People we allow to have access to our personality, our habits and our emotions. That’s why relationship bullying is a very common occurrence. We see it from the time we were small children to our current interactions as adults. Children say things like, “If you do ___, then I won’t tell on you.” Then as teenagers, they gossip or spread malicious rumors through junior and high school. And by the time, a bully is an adult, they regularly undermine their colleagues or belittle their colleagues opinion.
With some serious thought, you can easily name a person who’s a relationship bully. And if you’re being totally honest, some of these examples may expose you as the relationship bully.
Now that you know what a bully is and how they operate, it’s time to combat against bullying in your personal and professional relationships.
To stop relationship bullying in any form; you must first acknowledge it at its onset. Make a mental or verbal declaration of the bullying behavior. After that, be keenly aware of any anxiety you may feel in your body. Filter the bully’s words for validity and remove any emotional connection you may have to them. Then take control of an emotional reaction by affirming your truth: I hold the power and access to my emotions. Finally, push past any fear to confidently address the bully for his/her actions.
WhenLoveWorks, you courageously remove any personalization from a bully’s comment and simultaneously limit their access. ~Elitia Mattox
Get a Relationship Check-Up, Embody Love and Be Open to Success