Ambivalence is the simultaneous presence of conflicting emotions, it is that state of having mixed feelings about someone or something. Guilt around Ambivalence has been a big player on the personal relationship front for eons because few have felt comfortable coming forth regarding it. So ambivalence has been afforded the opportunity to work stealthy for years, while paralyzing its otherwise discerning victims with indecision.
See if you recognize this scenario: You’re the target of endless passive aggressive insults, slights, snubs, indifference, negativity, envy and various other attacks, but it’s coming from a family member or friend, so you endure it. Sound familiar?
You endure it because you reason around what they are suppose to be, instead of who they really are.
Though in your mind, you’ve never seen anything brotherly or friendly come off this person, yet you still hold on to your fantasy. And fresh off every new hurt, you can’t get pass the reality that, though harmony with a friend/family member may not always be possible, abuse is inconceivable. You’re stuck, unsure of what to do; the ante has been upped.
This time, imagine the snubs coming from your mom….you reason that you have to manage because confronting mom proves too soul-crushing to bare. But as a result of your indecision, you’ve now entered the ambivalence loophole. Ambivalence weakens relationships because you’re withholding accountability. Abuse’s best friend is access, and without accountability, you’ve given your abuser access to your soul.
Now, you’ve become increasingly angrier around this obvious betrayal. Then you begin to imagine all manner of resolution up to and including retaliation. But like clockwork, guilt makes its way to the scene like an ambulance chaser post car crash and convicts you yet again. “How could I feel this way about my mother, brother, sister, dad or friend,” your inner voice says. And caught up in guilt’s grip, you run back to that same abuse cycle. Wash, rinse and repeat.
Eckhart Tolle reasoned that: The pain that you create now is always some form of non acceptance, and that when you live in complete acceptance of what is, that is the end of all drama in your life. Hence, the moment you accept that your mother, father, sister or partner isn’t that motherly, fatherly, sisterly or… and that it isn’t your fault or responsibility to right who they are, then you can create a space for them to just be.
WhenLoveWorks, you create a space for them to grow. A space for you to love them and understand them all while managing their access so they don’t have further opportunity to impede your evolution, health and prosperity.